PDF Version 1

Here you can find the PDF version of my journal!

https://www.docdroid.net/iWDT1Mc/rogue-version-d.pdf.html

Rogue: English version Draft 2

-4)

IT'S MUCH BETTER TO BE STUPID!

THE JOURNAL OF THOUGHTS

Seal of Authenticity

-3)

You're on Instagram man!

ROGUE (1/6/2010 - 4/2/2016) <5 YEARS, 8 MONTHS, 3 DAYS>

THE JOURNAL WHERE I WRITE AND DRAW STUPID SHIT!

This journal talkS about friendship!

Turn to page 185 for the legend --->

-2)

WE EXPRESS OURSELVES BETTER WHEN THINKING ON THE TOILET!

(PARADISE, SHIT!)

-3)

Things that piss me off:

*People who go through the check out and are not ready to pay!

*Getting into and not being tired anymore.

*When you take a shit and water splashes back in your ass.

NOTHING MAKES ME MAD ANYMORE ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1-2)

5/1/10

This is my first sentence, I am outside near the tram. A 3min wait,45r6zuiopü+

# with my new BIC pen. What can I say, that there are dolphins found in tuna (cans) ?

Here I am in the cold, writing in my journal. Should I give him a name? I don't know. I wonder if people ask themselves If I'm wondering what I will write in my journal. Do I want the rest of the world to read my journal, or do I want to keep my thoughts to myself, and only myself? Will my children read my journal? Will they think I am a dumbass? I hope so.

Alright, now let's go back to the subject of dolphins. I'm positive that they taste delicious! I’m also pretty sure that when (fishermen) catch tuna, they must also catch some dolphins (in their nets), and cut them (both) up into a million pieces to sell them on the market.

3-4)

Apparently, dolphins are intelligent creatures. I read an article (On the internet of course) that dolphins are too intelligent to be held in zoos. So if we compare zoos to prisons, it would mean that dolphins are more intelligent than prisoners! Maybe, to become a true dumbass, I have to commit a crime. That way, when I get out of prison, I can become a dolphin! Not such a dumbass now, huh? If we compare prisons to zoos, I think we should be able to visit prisons. We'll throw them bananas, and the kids will be happy. All this (writing) has made me thirsty, I blame out ancestors, the fish! How much water does a fish drink per day? When water enters their body, does it come out anywhere? Like piss? I don't know, apparently piss is composed of 70% of our saliva, and it's healthy for the body!

(Ah, I can see Tour Bretagne!)

5-8)

I'll have to go up the tower one day. My hands are cold, I think I'm gonna go home. I like writing, it makes me feel good. I don't have to think of a subject repeatedly over and over again. The dolphin story was tormenting me, but now I don't have to think about it because I know I can access my thoughts from from my journal. This journal is an external disk drive, I should have done this a long tine ago. I feel like a philosopher, like Plato and Descartes before me. I wonder, do people realize how they behave? Do they realize when they are annoying? Do they stop and think “Wow, I'm annoying, I'm gonna stop.”, or is it an unstoppable force in them that they cannot control? Do they want to change? It is a good thing to change all the time? I've read that more “evolved” people have an easier time changing. This is probably why older people have certain aspects of their mentality that cannot be changed (while younger people have an easier time to C

change and manipulate their own brain.) I wonder if, when I have reached a certain age, I will accept societies new ideals. I think that, in the future, their will be a huge asexual movement, and more rights for animals. Men will be able to wear dresses, and white people will be a great minority. I'd be accepting of the day were there would be no more white or black people, just a mixed color. People want keep their nationality, their name, their colors, their gender. I am against it because fuck you. I don't care about being French, white, a male, a LAPORTE, I am not proud at all. I belong to no group. Groups only create hate towards other groups. Look at what the religious groups have done throughout human history, the pain, the dead and the tears. I suppose that religion has also done good for many people, but I am certain that these people would have found something else to nourish their souls if it had not been their said belief.

I don't understand the mentality to be part of something that is greater us. Why can't we be ourselves? Alone and unique, with others of the same mentality as us? We are our own gods. There is nothing greater than us, we are all the greatest! There is no need to search, they are all around us, family, friends, strangers. Does god have a god?

(It is humans that have created god, and not god that have created humans.)

(Your brain is your god.)

9)

I wonder if in the future my mentality will have changed, and if everything written in this journal will be considered bullshit. Please future-me, don't throw me away in the trash ! :(

10)

9/1/10

So, do you like my monster? He is sad. I think that this monster represents the feelings of Rogue. (The name of my journal). He is alone is this unknown world. People read him without comforting him, he does not know how to express himself, as he is sad. If Rogue could talk today...XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX ???

THE ANSWER IS YES! NO! I DON'T KNOW! (See page 61 – 62)

11 - 12)

Today, I have realized that this journal (can) relieve my god complex, not to control, but to create. I have this fantasy that is built in me to create things. I think that it all started with legos. I created simple things, such as houses, special planes, towers, worlds, universes. I love games like SimCity, creating their homes. When I made connections with people, I felt like I left a stone in them, a stone that is part of a building (of character). Once, I helped my grandpa put posts on his field to create an inclosure for his sheep. I felt like I had created a new world for them!

When I teach English to children, I feel like I am manipulating their brain for them to understand the language. When I learn things, it feels like I'm adding bricks of information into my own mind. I realize that I am my own god! I'm pretty sure you'll find me crazy (if you meet or read me). I suppose that you'll be correct, but I think that we are all a little bit bizarre in our own right.

En essence, I consider this journal to be a world,

Every letter a (City),

Every word, a (Planet)

Every page, a (Universe)

...

Every journal, a GOD.

13 – 15)

(11/01/10)

1:26AM

I can't see anything. My eyes are dead. Without technology, I'd be an animal who cannot see his prey, who would ask help from other animals to help me survive. I wonder if all wild animals have perfect vision. Can a non-perfect animal survive in nature?

If an animal is born with 3 legs, it would certainly die. It could not pass on it's genes to the next generation. Humans often pass on their rotten eyes and sicknesses to their children, the reason being because of the existence of technology. Sometimes I wonder if intelligence was an error (in evolution). Was is a good error? I think it was. It permits the people who are not perfect to live, to express themselves, to feel the good and the bad (sides of life). Do I fully realize the good fortune I have of simply existing? That if my father had slept with my mother one hour before or after, if my grandfather had never met my grandmother, if I had never won the race against all the other sperm, I would not be here, and maybe someone better or worse could be in my place? Someone who would have affected a group of people? Someone who could have helped them or destroyed them? Am I to blame if people are in pain? Should I have left my place for someone else, someone who could have helped the world better than I could? Could another “ME” have helped others more than I could have? Is it my fault that others are in pain, because of my stubbornness to want to win in this race we call life? Did I cheat to win? (Can we cheat?) Should I be the best, to do everything in my power to be on “top”, to prove to all my comrades (??dead or alive??) that I deserved it?

I'd lie if I said I didn't have nightmares about this...

(Someone else should have won....)

16)

Tomorrow, exams! My journal will go to the University for the first time in it's life!

VERY EXCITING!

I don't know if I should draw more picture to make my journal even more interesting to read. A page of text is boring, isn't it? Should I number my pages? (yes)

Spiral text: I wanted to try to to write like this to see what it would look like, it's a bit stupid and annoying.

17)

I changed my pen, because the first one I was using to write with was starting to get heavy.

I want to create a treasure map, and bury it in an object with a message, so that one day a person from the future can find and read it and try and find the treasure!

18)

11/1/10

Resolutions! I wanted to write 99 of them, but I have forgotten them all. Here is a picture.

19)

I AM AN ASSHOLE, BUT NO ONE THINKS I AM. (in sex)

An object of the 5^th dimension, an eye that follows everyone without fail.

It's all a misunderstanding....

20)

Sometimes, there are people in the street that stare at me, and I tell myself that they are my children/great grandchildren that come from the past future, but they don't talk to me because they do not want to change the present.

One day, I will approach them and give them a hug.

21 – 22)

§Drawing§

18/1/10

When I draw (in this journal), I don't think really think about anything, (Apart when I draw stick figures) . When I open my journal to write, I usually think of nothing. I just open it and I start to write. For example, I did not open my journal to specifically write the above. That's all I have to say really.

Coming back to my drawings, I usually draw dots and lines on a page, and then tell myself “Hmm, it kinda looks like this!”, then I connect the dots and the lignes to create som sort of picture. A perfect example can be seen on the next page.

I laugh with myself at my horrible drawings!

23)

I gonna to leave this page blank.

OH SHIT TOO LATE!

I have nothing else to write, maybe the next page will be more interesting.

I have nothing to prove to anyone.

This is a horrible page!

24 – 25)

§Drawing§

I'd like to write in public at the University in front of people that I know, but then I feel like I'm an attention seeker. I'm afraid of people asking me what I am writing, but I convinced my mind that if anyone wants to read my journal, I would force myself to show them. If no one knows that the journal exists, no one would ask me to see it, which defeats its purpose. I want to have a public journal, where anyone can read it. I don't know how to make my journal enter the public domaine, I'll have to cook up some kind of plan.

(Drawing)

Person: What's that on the table?

Me: My red journal!

Person: Can I see it?

Me: Ok!

Person: Hmm, page 24 seems interesting!

26)

§Drawing§

I've never had the courage to be someone else, so I am myself.

27)

§Drawing§

Everywhere I go, the future is here! Ahh, Stop!!!

28)

Do I want to reread my journal from the beginning? I'm scared to repeat myself. We'll see tomorrow.

§Drawing§

My drawing is a failure!

So here's a penguin!

29)

I am Mylène, but everyone asks me if my family name is Farmer. I don't think this very funny.

§Drawing§

[Time is my enemy]

(Mylène in revers, make “The Enemy”)

20/01/10

30)

My name is Laurène Bardot and people delight themselves by calling me “Brigitte”

(I think) You know why....

And it's not funny either.

What IS funny is eating your boogers! Yeahhhh.

§Drawing§

Mikael the pig

Fucking yeah! (20/01/10)

31)

There are two sorts of people:

Deep idiots and lite idiots like us. (20/01/10) <---I love it!

This journal proves that you should not judge based on appearances: As you can see, the cover is plain, which is not the case inside.

Mylène, 20/01/10

32)

Boredome makes me lose my mind. When I will lose my head, I will be bored no more.

-Mylène

“If you can never find anything, find something else” - Noire Desire

“If happiness was a house, the waiting room would be the main room.”

“We sleep to dream, and we dream to live.” -Great Big Sea

33)

Good job little journal, I'm very proud of you, you did well in making everyone laugh! I hope that you laughed a lot too! I have no thoughts at this time, I'm very tired. I made a little smilie face on my thumb, like this:

§Drawing§

I live the impossible, and dream the possible. <---It doesn't make any sense!

34)

I want to lick this journal in between it's pages and smear myself in it. I want to be it's beating heart, the one that goes Boom, Boom, Boom.

Why does man always want what he doesn't have? Why not content himself with the stuff he does have? Does man who has everything become bored to death? When I think of topics like this, I tell myself the content of my journal should have a more serious tone.

Hello! It's been a long time since I've here! How are you?

Yeah, no inspiration today, I'm done.

35)

01/02/10

12:23pm

Ahh, I'm forcing myself to write without any inspiration! I'm playing some music to help inspre me! My head is vacant at the moment, I am in a comatic state. And my pen is sticky! IT'S disgusting! My APARTEMENT is a dump! A trashcan! Oh wait, I an idea just popped into my head. I feel like I keep on repeating myself when I write in this journal. I wonder if, in the future when I reread myself, I will remember what music I was listening to at this very moment. I'm gonna write the music on page 3, right by my pretty little dolphin picture in prison.

Today I saw a video of a person who found a wallet from the 1930's. In it was his birth certificate, and some condoms. The condom wrapper looked very weird. I didn't know condoms existed back them. When were AIDS “invented”? OH yeah, I just remembered that I saw an article of the first condoms, which were made of pig skin. They were reusable too!

§Drawing§

Husband: Darling, can you please wash my condom in the washing machine? Thank you!

Wife: Ok!

That would be freakin' awesome.

37)

§Drawing§

I saw a painting like the one shown above at the LU. (Le Lieu Unique, in Nantes, France)

I'd like to say that the painting was “better” drawn, but I'd be lying.

(HAHA, I REMEMBER THIS!)

The me of 27/01/2011

38 - 41)

Fairness

Life isn't fair. I don't understand why people don't understand this. When people are children, they for some reason develop an idea in their heads that they have a right to fairness. But why do people think this? One of the first lessons I will teach my children is that life is not fair at all! That way, when they become older and life treats them unfairly, they will have already understood my lessons, and it will have no bad effect on their happiness!

Here is my plan:

§Drawing§

Me: If you eat the cookie, no more TV for a year!

Child: Yeah, whatever.

(child eats cookie)

Me: No TV for a year!

(6 months later)

Child: It's not fair!

Me: Life is not fair!

Child: But why!

Me: Sometimes we cannot understand why!

Child: I don't understand!

Me: Exactly!

That way, my future children will know that life isn't fair, but with me as their father, they will accept it as a way of life.

Child: Thank you father!

Me: No worries child!

Child: Thank you father, for ruining my childhood!

Me: No worries my child!

42)

BUT HEY, THIS WHO THING IS LIKE UNDERSTANDING GOD!

I AM TIRED!

Is it necessary for me to write anything in my journal?

NO!

Not at all!

43 – 44)

§Drawing§ (2/2/10)

§Drawing§ (1/3/10)

45)

I'm thinking of nothing. Why? When we have nothing in our minds, how do we function? How am I writing words on this page? I actually have NO thoughts in my brain in this very moment. Are people often like this? I guess that one positive thing is that my head is calm, there are no arguments going on right now. Everyone is asleep. But, at the same time, I'm writing! Is this a (my?) mute voice talking right ? Maybe the paper and the pen is the only way for this voice to communicate with the world.

- AHH! HELP ME! I EXIST! RELEASE ME FROM THIS INFERNAL JOURNAL!

* Calm down little one, talk to me, what's wrong?

- I WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE! IT'S HORRIBLE! THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE! THE FOOD IS HORRIBLE, AND I'M BORED AS HELL!

* What if I freed you, what would you do exactly?

- IF I LEAVE, I DIE! I AM THE PARASITE THAT LIVES IN THE BRAIN! (WHAT A LIFE!)

* Well shit, you're fucked!

- WE EAT TOO MUCH !!!

BOOM BOOM!

47)

What a story!

Shut the fuck up you mute!

Did you know we sleep for a 3^rd of our lives? We have to stop this!

§Drawing§

I have nothing else to add on this subject. I just really want to reach page 50 so I can celebrate and party, so I'm forcing myself to to write. I know I will make it! I will not sleep before then! I'm trying to think of a story, but right now my mind is blank..

Basically, I'm just writing bullshit.

48)

The Ten beliefs: (That have no rightful place in the English version of the journal, because they only make sense in French! ...and yet here they are... (Oh pages like these, what will we do with them...)

1. The first first hat was created with the skin of a cat. (Chat – Peau) <Chapeau>
2. Biscuit – Bis = 2, cooked on both sides!
3. Joe was very tired, he often went to bed. He was also very beautiful. This is why we called him “Jolie” HARHARHAR!
4. All mites are females, and are all very pretty. (Poubelle)

49)

Caro (24-03-10)

A little red journal that parallels poetry in a “Mikael” style! Thoughts that touch our souls and the future readers of Rogue. It is now my turn to leave a dent in this timeless life. Do continue your philosophical debates. Writing liberates the soul and inks your thoughts in time. I'll see you again in ten years to see what Rogue has become, and I will remember these thoughts of the past!

Your journal also made me laugh!

Goodness gracious, I have taken up all of the page, inspiration has taken over me!

I leave you the honor of inauguration the 50th page!

Happy Birthday Rogue!

50)

51)

16h50

Hello my dear Rogue (In between parentheses, I am a big fan of the alter ego, I don't know if you know it, he has an important role in Harry Potter, his name is Severus Snape!) I'm going to see some friends in Oudon, hahahah, I'll write again later!

17h54 (06/04/10)

I'm bringing you back tomorrow my dear little Rogue-a-roo! I l really liked reading your pages, wonderment, but I think you will grow even more and I will read you again! I left you page 50 if you want to customize it =)

By the way, “Né – c – sère” is written like “necessaire!” :D

Goodbye and don't ever forget:

They lived and loved and laughed and left.

Profite. <3

Clara.

52 - 53)

Ah, I miss and want you when you are gone!

I hope you'll have a good trip! Don't worry, Maelys is very kind person. I think I'll have lots of things to say to you when you come back from your trip. Here is a “High Five” for you, future-me, and I'll give you a high five when you return. The highest honor you could give me is to leave page 50 blank, as I think that sometimes silence is the most beautiful thing one can speak.

Let's allow nature and pollution to embrace each other.

It's been more than 150 years that they have been together.

Without pollution, the most beautiful of sunsets would never have been realized.

The sacrifice of ones health for art (beauty),

like eating a tasty, but greasy steak.

§Drawing§

Do I really want to draw, or do I just draw for the fun of it? Doing it just to do it like they do it in HP7? (Harry Potter 7)

54)

27/01/2011

1:45

Oh shit, it's 2011! Everything just whizzed by, and I saw none of it! What about you? My handwriting is as shitty as it started, and my French has not improved one bit. It's crazy! It's been 6 months since I've written or drawn anything. I'll start now!

§Drawing§ (Pervert Pistol)

Six months later, and I ask myself... Can this journal get any dumber!? I love page 50, it's stylish 'cause there's nothing on it! (Except for the little presents found on the top right, it wasn't me who drew it I swear! On the next page, I will lecture you about the science of the bed. I would love to start now, but for some reason, I feel the need to keep writing as much as I can to fill up the space with many, many words, because this is how sick my mind is. Ahhh! Finally done!

55 - 56)

Science of the Bed

OH FUCK, WHERE DO I START! BEDS ARE THE BEST! YOU CAN SLEEP ON THEM, EAT FROM THEM, TAKE A NAP, YOU'RE EVEN ABLE TO DO PUSH UPS ON AN UNEQUAL SURFACE, BEDS ARE THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD!

In the future, I will have a house with one room + toilet + bathroom, and the main room will be a giant bed! That's it! I think I'd also have another room with a shaggy rug found on the floor, ceiling and walls! I also have a padded cell! OR! A whole room which is just one giant fridge!

YES! Not very exciting today, maybe tomorrow?

WON PEELS PEELS

§DRAWING§

57 – 58)

§DRAWING§

STHGILEHTFOLLA

I can't sleep! What is my thought process !? Who am I thinking about ? Should I write down the details? Does anybody give a fuck? My thoughts are jumping all over the place, I feel like a DVD that constantly skips, I think of one one thing that makes me think of something else, I am not able to complete myself, I feel hot, I take off my sweater, ALL OF MY SHITS, I feel so much better. Now I'm thirsty. Wait... *gulp gulp gulp gulp* AHH that was refreshing! Now to take off my pants! At last, naked in my bed, how classy. Alright, now I'm gonna sleep, I'm gonna bring you to the University and then at work tomorrow, maybe we'll have some fun together, yaaay! If I one day complete all of your pages, rest assured that there won't be another journal, you will be my one and only. (I said maybe!)

You are the crazy side of me, my subconscious on paper.

22H49

When one starts a a topic, one must always define the topic, right? The topic today is addiction. What is addiction? To be dependent on something, a substance, someone, something, something that we (feel that we) need. Do we really need it? Is addiction a pleasure? Sometimes addiction isn't a pleasure, and this is when addiction comes into play. If we take pleasure in it, it can't be an addiction, even if we do it all the time, right ? Sometimes we don't take any pleasure from it, but we have to do it anyways, but then why do we do it ? Money ? Pressure from others ? To please them ? Is the act of pleasing people an addiction in itself ? Even if it causes us pain ? Does doing something that we don't want to do, but we do it to please a 3^rd party, bring us pleasure from pleasing them?

(Cool Playlist)

It's a double edged sword. We pay a company to help the poor. We work a horrible to job to attain money, to buy materialistic things, to feel better. Fuck, I bet this is not a fun topic to read about. I wonder if what I write and what I draw is a reflection of me at that moment. If I write this, the response must clearly be yes. But wasn't the origin of this journal to be used as a place to write lucrative ideas? Have I already written about boring things and half serious subjects in the past? I don't remember, too lazy to reread. Honestly, when I started this journal, I didn't even think It'd go past 10 pages, but I really think it's great that I continued writing. I feel like I'm this lonely guy writing in his journal, locked in his room, sitting on the toilet, or on the tram when he is brave enough to face the the onlookers

“Look at that guy over there, writing in his journal! He probably thinks everyone is staring and talking about him when in fact, no one is! I bet he paranoid as fuck!” -Said an onlooker, loudly.

Sometimes I wonder what I crossed out on page 10. What was the question? Maybe it wasn't even a question. Maybe it was a thought, and I put yes or no at the end to make future-me think that it was a question. How tricky of me. Would future-me have also crossed out that thought? I don't know! Do I regret it? I don't care, past-me probably had his reasons. Maybe past-me wrote bullshit, and he knows that the me of all-time has horrible memory, and he crossed it out to make future-me paranoid. I made a star on page 10 to warn future-me or other people of this “shitty joke” that past-me created! I am a dirty bastard! (I still do love me!)

April 4^th, 2012

One time, I was drunk, and when I woke up, past-me put a glass of water on the table near my bed! Thank you past-me! <3

§DRAWING§

Light

Night

Life

Time

63 – 64)

§DRAWING§

Like a good song on a bad album, one must always listen to others ideas, even if they are stupid!

-You never know, maybe something intelligent will come out of there mouth one day!

There are no stupid people, we are all intelligent in our own domaine!!!! (07/12/15)

65 – 66)

My journal and I are unified because we are different.

I don't agree, my journal and I are cool!

My journal is my ??tento??

Thank you!

Woo! IN RED FIRST

IT'S IMPORTANT!

IT'S MELTING!

OK! COOL! KISSES!

67)

What the crazy fuck!

Look how I massacred your previous pages!

What is that and why!?

It scares me, better avoid it.

The media kills the ingenuity of our imaginations.

68)

Buckingham

28/10/2011

It was cool, we didn't do anything, it was great!

Mika – Dead

69)

The page of sex

If we could hug, and not war, the world would be a lot more beautiful

If we could resolve conflicts with hugs, the world would be beautiful!

70)

04/12/2014

Tell me some ideal phrases, phrases that would motivate me to do things. I find it funny that at certain moments, we feel like we are on “top” of the world, that we can do anything, and at other moments, we don't feel well, we feel like we are invalid, and the rest of the time, we don't care.

Maybe I'm just describing myself.

71)

12/01/2012

Yesterday, Lisa read your pages out loud, and it made me feel weird, as if it wasn't me that was talking, as if the slippers I was wearing were not my own. My mind pondered, “Shit, did I ask myself that many questions in the past? It's Incredible how I have changed in a year and a half.” In the past, when I used to watch a scene or (write) about a subject, I had many questions in my mind, for example, if I saw a dog bark, I would think “Where is his master? Does the dog like his master? When the dog farts, does his master laugh, or tells him to go away? Does he try to show off? Is he homosexual?” Now, when I see a dog bark, I think “Cool”, as if I didn't care. What changed? I feel like I live life more in first person mode now. I think of my girlfriend, my work, my camera, more about physical things than mental things. Is it better? I don't really know, all I know is that yesterday permitted me to say hello to past-me again.

Are you going to go to Buckingham with me? I think that's a yes.

-I guess it must be the drugs....

ROGUE: REBORN!

73 - 77)

16/01/2912

The rule of Three

I have an idea in my mind that is not yet developed, and my belief in is can be considered balls deep. When an action is done, we always do three things. For example, when you take a photo, you look at the subject, you think about how you will take the photo, and you think of how you will modify it on your computer. No actually this whole idea is horrible, there is no rule of three, the world is chaotic place ! Is it a rule that the world must be chaotic? Maybe it's not chaotic, but so structured, that we can't understand everything, all the rules are mixed like the ingredients in a cake. I don't like this pen, the ink is too thick, I have to write in big letters. I have no love for them. (JK I love you too, you big letters you! <3)

I think it would be cool if one day: Floogin' PopCycles, someone just came to bother me, my bad. Anyways, I was saying that it would be cool to wake up one day, go to the airport, take the first plane you can afford, and leave for a little while, with no suitcase, with nothing. When you arrive, the challenge would be to go back home without any money. How would you do it? Would you put yourself in a box on a boat, and you hope that no one finds you? If they do find you, what would they do? Will they throw you in the water? What if you don't know how to swim? Do they alert the dolphins? Wouldn't if be great it we could communicate with them, and they would create a business called “Dolphin Express”. They'd do it for free, or for fish or sushi. But humans would probably use them as slaves, as it is in our nature to pull of crap like that all day. Can we go against our nature? Is it in our nature to follow our nature? Do we all have personal natures? Is my nature the same as everyone else's nature? Ah, the ticket-master just appeared! I'll be back!

Fuck, I know what I'm writing above is bullshit but....

What if my plane falls, will the company reimburse my family? I fucking hope so! They have to bring us to our destination! What if the plane crashes at the designated airport? If that was the case, I'd agree that they wouldn't have to reimburse anyone, as the plane would made it to it's intended destination and completed it's contract. What if we crash halfway though the trip? Do they reimburse half the ticket? So many questions, so many different situations! When I am in a plane, I look at people and tell myself “Fuck, the kid is three years old, and he's gonna die, because the plane is gonna crash. I have a scene in my head where everything is calm, people are laughing, sleeping, and then “Boom”, alarms blaring, everyone is panicking. I would love to tell myself that I would laugh in this situation, or that I would look at the person besides me with a huge smile on my face, as if I knew exactly what was going to happen.

Do Italians speak a lot with their body language?

77 - 82)

30/01/12

There are hard languages and “soft” languages. For example, I'd say that German is considered a “hard” language, as it doesn't sound very fluid. My question is, are hard languages related to the aggressiveness of a population? Does having a hard language make a population more aggressive, while a soft language make them more docile? Does the population in a more aggressive language have hot blood? I would like to find a correlation between languages spoken and aggressiveness. It would be very interesting subject.

I'm motivated to write, but I'm very tired. I'm afraid that tomorrow, I won't be motivated to write. I like how the sound of the the pen scratches the paper. Weird, I'm not even motivated to turn off my lights, so I will sleep with you little journal, and when I have regained my energy, I will make my ears orgasm once again with your little scratchings. I wonder if my journal smells like me. I wonder what I have scratched out in my journal. Does everyone think about what I think? I would love to have my journal and my camera on me 24/7, but I sometimes feel shy, as there are too many people around me, or sometimes you can't use them in certain cases, like during class. It would be great if everyone had a journal. I remember when I was little, I had a “journal” that I was obligated to write in for one of my teachers. I would invent stories thinking they were truth. One example was when I once went to some type of carnival with my school, and I remember getting lost in a labyrinth. In my journal, I wrote that my friend, Tony Ciprioanno, was with me, but I later learned that he was not even there that day. I also remember I made a drawings like this:

§DRAWING§

Anyways, I find it crazy how I really thought that he was there. I remember showing him the page, and he insisted that he wasn't even there. That's when I realized that I was crazy! OMG Rogue! I had something to tell you! I think I had a journal before you! But, like I said above, I had to do it for school, so it doesn't count! But I remember that my mother read them and she cried! I wonder why! Do you think I wrote about my emotions? Was I a sad fucked up little child? Shit be crazy! I'll ask her one day if she kept them, I would love to see what I wrote when I was younger! Probably stuff about Batman, but I can't be sure. Alright, I think I'm gonna go to bed now.

FUCK I WANTED TO DRAW A STAR!

Whatever, you're gonna go to bed!

Oh well!

That's not very nice, draw him a picture!

§DRAWING§

Thanks friends!

Page (81)

§DRAWING§

Things we think...

Things we say...

83)

09-02-2012

Cleaning. It's a very important part of life. Not only is your room cleaner, but your life also feels cleaner. This also applies to life, one must clean and be clean with your friends, your relationships, your family etc. You have to have confidence in people. If someone does not trust you, you should “clean up” with them to understand why there is no trust. Everything has to be crystal clear, like your room and those crystal clean, non-smeared windows. Sometimes people will hurt you without stopping and that's when you have to pick them up and throw them in the trash like yesterday's filet mignon.

Sometimes, when we are unorganized, we must also clean up our bad habits, and tidy up our good ones. If we don't tidy up after ourself, we are lost, and we create bad ties with others, which make us feel alone and it becomes worse everyday. One day, there will be mold in our hot chocolate which has no logner been hot for quite a while.

The assholes make up worry for our lives, but we have to love them too!

I wanted to draw something, but I forgot what!

POEM!

84)

POEM

There is mold in my chocolate

The chocolate has been cold for a long time

Alone on the table, it holds itself

Alone on the table, we forget it

Only the mug holds it comfort,

With it's pretty porcelain arms,

One needs the other,

The other needs no one,

Only it's virus will kill it,

Mold, take me.

End.

WEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

86 - 88)

15/03/2012

12:55pm

I'm in the plane! Let's see if I can attain air sickness when I write! Also, if this happens (imitate myself writing under turbulent conditions) it means that there is turbulence. Today, I asked myself the question, “Is it better to be rich of the poor, or is it better to be poor of the rich?” Personally, I'd rather be the poor man in the rich group, so then your friends can bring you to Miami in a helicopter, while the poor can't even by you a Miami!

(small fast food place called Miami in Nantes, the cheapest thing around)

If your poor friends invite you at their place, they would serve you Mushy Peas! (I love mushy peas, so I guess it wouldn't be bad at all)

I read yesterday that the oxygen in airplanes were “purer” in the past, because the people were allowed to smoke, so the planes had to have a system in place to recycle oxygen. Nowadays, the air quality is supposedly not that great, and people who travel a lot are at risk of getting very sick, but I forgot what the disease is called. We are finally flying! The world is a huge painting at this altitude. OMG Turbulence! Naw, it was alright, didn't last for very long. Did you know we are all created from the same matter that makes up the whole universe? It makes logical sense! When a huge sun explodes, all of the particles disperse, and come back together to create planets! And if the conditions are favorable, life will be created on the planet! All of this coming from an exploding star! I wonder what space is made of. Can one create chemical reactions in space?

07/09/12 – Fuck, I'll have to look it up, but I think (chemical reactions) are possible as the sun is a chemical explosion, no? It takes 8 minuets for light to travel from the sun to the earth. Is that 8 light years?

Duper Super n'Interesting Laporte....

89)

The Fourth Dimension:

1^st: -

2^nd +

3^rd the world around you

4^th ?

The 4^th dimension is time, but how do we understand it?

Imagine you are a creature of the first dimension, where you can only look left and right. Ok, that's a horrible example. Imagine that you are Mickey the Mouse on a piece of paper.

§DRAWING§

Mickey can go right, left, and jump up, but he can't see you. Ok, my picture sucks, imagine Sonic! Or Mario! On the Super Nintendo! (or Sega Genesis, whatever). They never look at the player, as for him the third dimension does not exist. We can see him, but he can't see us! He only sees his world! Now, imagine that we introduce an apple into his world (In sonic's world, I'm not the biggest fan of Mario, probably because I've never owned a nintendo console in my life, who whom knows...) If sonic had a camera that took ten photos a second, and it took one second for the apple to traverse through the screen, Sonic would see the apple like this:

§DRAWING§

Every line represents a section of the apple when it traverses in sonic's “world”. For him it would look like a line that starts small, grows bigger, then becomes smaller again, until it disappears.

I'd like to clarify that someone of the 4^th dimension can not see his own life, but can see all of the life of the people of the 3^rd dimension.

Now, picture the same mental image, and apply it in a 4^th dimensional context.

Imagine that the apple represents your life. The apple goes through time while we see each section of the apple. We will never see the apple as a whole (We will never see our lives as a whole). We live our life from one moment to the next. Imagine if we could see our lives (The whole apple!) it it's entirety. We would see our birth and our death and all the moments in the middle! This is what 4^th dimensional beings see, this is what god could be. But if we can see everything, are we still free, do we have to follow our destiny! No, because with the 5^th dimension, we see that each action we take creates an alternate branch or reality.

§DRAWING§

Creatures of the 5^th dimension can see all possibilities of their life. I would love to tell you more, but I don't know anything else really, apart that there are 13 dimensions (Under M Theory?). Don't worry, I'll make a part 2! (Maybe!)

94 - 95)

4^th April, 2012

Why do things that exist, still here today? There has to be a reason! (Sometimes I have no idea wtf I was thinking about back in the day of hay)

I learned the other day (Saying “the other day” is very vague, don't you think? It could be yesterday, 6 months ago, or even longer! And what if this is information that we've learned from the future!? Another day?) (Ah it's raining, I'm gonna go back to the train station!) In the past, when the grass's predator ate the grass, the smell of the cut/eaten grass would attract other insects that would attack the grasses predators, who would eat them. Not to shabby of a defense! Everything in nature evolved a trait that permitted them to survive. It may have been though speed, camouflage, smells, natural weapons, etc. There are a many different things! Next time that you see a plant/animal, ask yourself how did it make it this far into the future! What does it have to survive, to rise against the competition.

Fuck the last few pages aren't very fun, they seem to be more informational than anything else. That's the evolution of Rogue, sorry! (Fightin' it's own battles for survival!)

95-96)

Why don't assholes like assholes? Let me think for a second. We could ask ourselves the questions, “What is an asshole?”, but well, an asshole is an asshole, full stop. I think that they are not as open minded as most people, and when two non-open minded people collide, there is nothing one can do but watch the carnage bloom. But why are they assholes? It could be that when they were kids, they were mistreated, and that their parents were assholes to them? It could also be that they are sad or just had a bad day. I too am temporarily an asshole when I am tired or when the shit hits the fan. (my fan is very high, shit almost never reaches it.) Everyone has their moments of assholiness.

I'm hunnnnnnngggrrryyyyyyy

(5 Euros for a ham and cheese sandwich! What preposterously!)

(OMG I can't find my other pen! But I prefer this one, so it's not so bad, but still...)

I remember back in the day, when I felt uncomfortable when writing in you in public, but now I don't care!

Imagine if we evolved with 3 legs, one in front of your crotch. What would cars look like? The bicycle? Would we put our third leg in front or behind? Would we have evolved with the same mental capacity as we have now? Where would our sexual organs be found? At the end of our toe? I would love to teleport myself into a (three-legged) world! Would pants be more expensive as they would need to use more material? Would the evolution of that third leg have create such a different environment, that world peace would have been established long before the invention of the first lightbulb? Would they look at me weird since I'd only have two legs? I would think so yes, or maybe they would just think me disabled, and shoot me thumbs up admiring my ability to walk on two legs oh so perfectly.

97- 100)

I found you after having cleaned my room!! What a wonderful present!

(May 23, 2012) The reunion!

§DRAWING§

The View Behind The Mirror

102)

Waow! I'm rereading this journal, and I feel so immature! I wonder what it means to think that! I was 22 years old when I started this journal. Oh well, everyone changes and evolves. I always felt that I evolved later compared to others in the social aspects of my life. I am very slow, like a snail.

Aah well, as I said, people change and it's good to evolve with your surroundings. When I smoke up, I rekindle my childish ways, and I like it, it's fun. I know that it's not very mature to stay childish, but it's my style, I feel comfortable in that zone. For now, being childish has not made me any less anti-social, and I know how to be mature when the situation calls for it. I also write in this journal during different periods of my of my life, so I guess I am influced by my own past?

Hey look here, I found something interesting! Go to page 9 and you'll see! I am future-me! Don't worry little journal, I will keep you forever! <3

Didn't even realize, page 100 is awesome!

103)

I finally understand! I understand nothing, I can just hear each syllable, that when connected in a specific order, create words! It's very weird...

104)

25/08/2012

I'm gonna reread my journal, and add thoughts here (If I have any!)

Page 3-4

I remember when I wanted to stay stupid, as I told myself the world and certain things are so depressing, I didn't want to know anything about it and I would rather stay ignorant...

OMG, ALL THIS IS BORING!

105 - 106)

07/09/2012

Shit, all alone in my sad lonely little room, and there is is nothing around me, no furniture, no internet, nothing! I have (a taxi?) that should arrive at 2:30 in the morning. It's 00:19! 3 min have passed! I'm gonna be living in a new house and I have a great idea! In our “garden”, we have a cabin! In the cabin, there are 2 floors. On the 2^nd level, everything is made of glass! We are gonna put couches, a sound system, and a projector on the wall of the cabin! We'll be able to have film nights and watch movies! Only the VIPs will have access to the upper floors! Ah, and we'll put in a mini fridge! I want to paint the walls black, and then write on them with a speacial marker that can only be seen under a black light!

§DRAWING§

107)

I'm sure you're asking yourself...

Why do I put numbers on each page?

It's because of my haltered for magazines that have “Turn to page 53 to find the donut man!”, then I skim through the pages, and there is no page number 53! So I have to go to another page with a number, then count until I eventually find it! Know that when you read me, there will always be a page number on each page!

108)

Hey guys, I know that we've had some some good laughs and everything, but I want to talk to you about a personal madness that I have. I don't know what to call it, and I think the idea is too big for me right now. I think I need to experience life a bit more before I can fully develop it, but I'm telling you, you have to believe in humanity. Believe that one day, we will all be under the same flag, we will all be united. We will have a “super culture”, where all cultures are blended and mixed. We'll all talk one language, and we will all be unified, no more wars, we will be a civilization who pursues science, and the goodness of humankind. Do you think I am crazy? Of course not, look! Back in the day, we were all part of small tribes. Then wars started happening over land and territory. After these wars, certain groups allied with others to become more powerful against other groups. With time, they created countries, and then these countries unified (Look at Europe). With even more time, all the countries will unify! Sure the first generation will not be happy, the 2^nd generation should be happier, and the 3^rd generation should find their world normal. We will survive. Before, we had to choose the right partner, now we have to choose the right path. We should stop trying to compete with each other, we should be helping each other! If we compare our evolution compared to ancient Rome, humans are Rome and nature are the barbarian camps that surround us. From time to time, a bee may attack us, but the bee will (hopefully) never win , as we are much more evolved than them! We are the winning species in this war we call life! Woo!

§DRAWING§

111 - 112)

I'm writing from the Stansted toilets at 6:30 in the morning! I have just been re-released into the wild after having been locked up for the past 2 months, and let me tell you that I had forgotten how weird the world is! I know, I know, I too am weird, I mean I am writing in you while sitting on an airport loo! At least I try to hide my bizarrity... I think.... Is it better to hide it or to express it? Meh, who cares. And I'm not even taking a poo, as it is tradition for me to sit on airport bathrooms. I am the king of the toilet!!!

I like to observe people in the airport. I know that it might seem weird, but I feel like there are people who wear certain clothes that do not reflect their personality. What about me, with my new haircut and big green coat, how should I present myself? I find it funny to watch people when they are bored. Do you think it's easy to approach them and start a conversation? I don't think so, otherwise, in a plane, everyone would be talking to everyone!

113 -114)

I see many cool life tricks on the internet, but I always forget them. I'll start to jot them down and really follow up with them, not like my other lists where I start something, and never finish it!

1. When you are sick, drink rum.
2. Drink a glass of water in between each alcoholic drink. Your head won't hurt the next day! (You'll be hydrated)
3. Eat your boogers, you'll never be sick again!

115-117)

Today, I have decided not to observe people. Today, I have decided to observe the people observing people. I find if a lot more interesting, especially guys checking out a woman, especially if their significant other and don't want to be caught by them. In front of me, there is a guy trying to sell raffle tickets to win a car. 10 pounds for a ticket! Why do people dress up nicely when riding on an airplane. Maybe the have a business meeting and they don't have time to change? Your though process always astounds me Mr. Laporte... I just saw my hero pass by! He had a crazy epic beard! Just to let you know, little journal, you are at an Stansted airport, which I think I mentioned already, since I was in the toilet just moments ago. There are so many people who seem to be very bored, why don't more people speak to each other? They should make special meeting rooms where people who want to can meet up for free! (in the airport!)

-I do not have a meeting place for these special airports!

Ah, I like the guys who are looking at the car! They have a little smile on their faces, I'm sure they are imagining being inside driving! “What if I won?” they tell themselves. It's like they are checking out a woman. I find the ticket selling guys reaction funny, as his behavior changes depending on the people that pass him by. With some, he does not care, with other, he is much more aggressive, others yet, he's much more calm but seems more interested to sell his ticket. I wonder what his target market is. I think it's well dressed people around the age of 40+. Now there are potential clients, but the ticket man is gone! What's the point of wearing nice clothes if you're not even gonna get sold a ticket!) The ticket man also target's woman, but I think it's more to get their number than to sell her one... OMG He got her number! Ah, look at the face of victory! Now he has no more customers. I think that the ???10 l'un fille???

118 - 120)

Mars 25, 2013

Sitting in the plane. The sun is shining above the clouds! My journal is a bit like twitter these days. Where am I? So so dead. The sun does me good. I wonder, if the plane explodes, will they find my little journal on my body? All destroyed? When I was younger, the only time I believed in god, was during huge turbulence sessions. The only time I ever liked turbulence was when I was drunk. I like to imagine that I am in a train when I am in plane, and in a plane when I am in a train.

Turbulence

/ \

God – Alcohol

(If I believe in god during turbulence

And love turbulence while drunk

What is my relation between god and alcohol?)

121)

Yo! Still in the airport! People are looking like zombies, walking, waiting, doing nothing. I feel like the position you take with your body can change your surroundings and your mentality. I'm talking about, of course, body language. Now that I have broached the subject, I really don't wanna talk about body language anymore. In fact I'm really bored and non-inspired.

-I prefer writing like this (Horizontally)

122 - 124)

The first step to to confront any problem, is to tell yourself there is no problem.

I'm talking about a mental problem of course, I don't think it would work for a physical problem, like if you didn't have enough money to pay for your rent. But for mental problems, it works. Certain aspects of society creates lots of problems, we enlargen certain things. For example, a fetus who dies in a mother's womb. It dies for a reason, the mother's body sees that there is a problem with the child, so instead of putting an abnormal child into the world, the body kills it, like a natural abortion, but most people take this action as a catastrophe, making it a big scene.

If you have been affected by a catastrophe in your life, I think that talking about it is not the best solution. (Of course it helps to talk about it, what the fuck are you talking about Mr. Laporte...)

You have to tell yourself that there is no problem. You have to continue life with no worries. Do people tell others their problems to get compassion from them? To gain pity? Now tht I think about it, it does help to talk about the problem... maybe i'm contradicting myself again. <---Yes!

A problem for one person is not necessarily a problem for someone else. Everyone deals with their problems in their own way.

(Talk about the problem?)

<OR>

(Tell yourself there is no problem?)

<OR>

(Talk about your non-problems?)

125 - 131)

Chapter 2

(There is no chapter 1)

(07/02/2014)

Happy new year! There is no rebirth for Rogue, or for anyone, just a continuation, just like life! I read about a guy who reread the passages he wrote in his journal, and I thought about you. He was saying that it was the end for him, and I thought about my end with you. It's inevitable, it's gonna happen, let's not think about it!

I'm leaving for England tomorrow! I don't know why I'm so lazy these days, I have to find a job, as I have found nothing for Canada! I've been constipated these days, I took two laxative pills, there are 14 remaining, what should I do with them? Should I play a well timed joke?

Time will tell.

3 more hours to wait for the plane! There are no benches under the sun, I am with my hoodie with a huge beard, I really do hope that I inspire fear into people! (It's my secret fantasy, shhh!)

§Drawing§ (of my face)

I thought about a movie idea that takes place in the future, where there are nanobots, machines smaller than molecules, that can be controlled by thought. For example, if you think of a pen, all of the “molebots” (molecule robots) would come together to create a pen, the ink and the paper. When you write, the “molebots” would imprint themselves on paper. Then you would think about sending it to Tom, the paper would disintegrate and the “molebots” would send a message to Tom's “molebots”, and reform itself, and the message that you wrote. Imagine if you were rich, and you had a couple billion “molebots”, you could build a house! Then you can can move, disintegrate your house, and make it reappear somewhere else! You wouldn't have to carry thing anymore! You could even create your own clothes! Now imagine that one day, all of these “molebots” don't work anymore, you'd be butt naked and in a real shithole! That would be my movie, a terrorist group deploy a weapon where “molebots” can not be controlled anymore, everything would disintegrate (or not!) and people have to go back to their old ways, We can also throw in some kind of love story for the masses, or not! :D For the special effects, I have no idea yet!!

I wonder what people do when they wait with no music, without anything. Are they philosophers? Maybe they are thinking of nothing. Maybe they are thinking about sex. Most people like to receive attention, or like to get complimented, or I don't know. This is not at all my mentality, I'd prefer to be invisible. I think that before drugs in Buckingham, I was very much in my own world, and I landed on earth after receiving my diploma. I think differently than before, I don't know. I feel like everyone else, but as time passes, I'm becoming more and more like I was pre-buckingham. I tend to believe I know how most people think, I feel like many people act like children, or animals as they very much follow their instincts and subconscious wants.

Here is a little test I created:

When you say something, ask yourself why you said it. Is there a reason? Is the reason a reflection from your past? Your intention with the person? Observe your own body language. If you have discovered the reason for what you said, or what you are doing, is that really the original reason for doing so, or is it just a reason you just invented because you thought about it? Is everything that we do related to our wants? Or the world we want to live in? I suppose we interpret what we want with other people, but can we interpret what we want with ourselves also? I am an asshole, I am a god, I am everything and everything, I am nothing, I am the alpha and the omega, you are just visitors to me, because I am my own world. (Or are you also part of my world?) Am I the one who is not comfortable in this world, or is it the others? Do I project my own insecurities on others? As “Delusion Thomas” would say:

“What's the purpose of everything?

Who the fuck cares”

I think it it summarizes life well, it's a good simple answer to almost everything.

(I believe in everything!) - 10/01/16

Fair enough.

132)

A Bus that brings you somewhere, but you don't know where!

Can a fish survive on bananas?

05/08/14

soon...

I have no idea why I wrote that! (The above)

Imagine a virtual world, where you live with everyone else on the planet. Imagine you can create your own avatar, NO! I was going to say that if everyone was to create a beautiful looking avatar, everything would be based on personality. AH! Anyways, I just realized that every avatar would not all look like humans... but also mythical creatures, giant robots, extra terrestrials that come from far away galaxies! ...or a dick. Can you imagine a dick that walks around on the street, with his bag of groceries filled with croissants (Why would you shop in a virtual world?) while saying hello to Hot_Rug12XY, a guy who lays eggs every time that he cries out “Yololo!” (lay)

Anyways, it would be a crazy world. I would love to go there for the giggles and shit.

27/09/14

Oh my rogue! I hate the person I have become! Always paranoid about living in the exterior world! Before I lived in my own mind, and it was awesome, I thought about things, I played games in my head, I was always preoccupied! Now, I live in the real world, I see things as they are and not how I can interpret them, and it's boring. Buckingham really hasn't helped me, all the drugs have stolen me from myself. I really want to be the Mika of the past, without any doubts, live life to the fullest every day, see the world differently, but it looks like all of that is finished. I don't want to accept the person that I am today, I am bored when I am by myself, and I hate it. How do I become what I was before? I don't know... It's probably impossible, and I will be stuck in this mentality until the end of my life. I suppose I must accept who I am. After my “transformation”, I was scared of people, they are cruel, and I think they don't even realise it, or it's so ingrained in their nature, that they don't even see it themselves. I understand the meaning behind “Haters gonna hate”. Sometimes I do or say things myself without thinking and I ask myself “Why did I say that?” I don't really mean it and I hope that the person didn't think I said it on purpose. Anyways, I try to keep smiling, and I suppose that my poor memory helps me believe that everything is OK. I want to be above all of this like before. The biggest bully in life is yourself. I feel like I am becoming stupider, that I am degenerating. They say that the brain modifies itself throughout life, even the shape of our brain constantly changes. I hope that, when I die, my brain will look like a cock and a uni-ball.

The brain bends and twists to deal with the horrors of life...

Sometimes it bends so much, it snaps in two...

Or turns into a uni-balled dick!

§DRAWING§

137)

Do you know how much this pen cost!!? 5 pounds! And it was the cheapest one too! It does write pretty well though. I think I'm gonna give it a good review on the internet. It's a “Uni-Ball Eye Fine”, and it's fucking water proof! That's all for now. I better not lose it! I'm so relaxed, going back to Nantes after 7-8 months in Edinburgh! Do you remember Edinburgh? When you worked night shift? I hope that future-me isn't working night shift when you read this paragraph!

Pressure, pressure, write something!

But why!

Don't force yourself!

No, force yourself!

Change your music to inspire you!

No, I like my music!

Who are you talking to!?

Why am I talking to myself!

Am I one person? Two? Even more!?

Naw, I'm just kidding, I am only myself for the moment, and multiple people at other times. I decide who I want to be.

Are you sure? That you are the one who decides?

Well yeah... I think...

Hmm, well evidently, nothing is certain, everything is in your mind.

Or not...

139)

Be the circle, or not be the circle

Andrew hit me.

Andrew hit Mikael.

(Disconnect yourself by using the third person)

If you are a Mango Tree,

You cannot be an Apple Tree,

So be the best Mango (you can be)

Women see the wolf,

be Happy like the cat! (rabbit!)

140)

Awkward with Confidence

Dear Mika,

You are so good at eating pussy,

I want to sit on your face forever,

Love,

Roo XxXxX

141)

9/July/2015

Imagine if one day, they create a machine where they can access the thoughts of people from the past, or the present. Imagine if the people from the future can access your life, your vision, your hearing, your smell, your touch, etc., as well as your thoughts. Would you change your behavior? We change our behavior in front of other people all the time, do we not? We are going to be different when our boss looks at us, when we are in the presence of our mother, or when we are in bed with our dog. So why not in front of this theoretical audience? I was tripping bad when this subject arose out of my subconscious. How should I react? Do I feel judged? Are they watching my life a second time? Do I have “fans” of my life? A sect? Did I please them in the beginning, and not anymore? Are some of them bored, and they now want to leave? Have they already left? Are some entering and leaving at this precise moment? I didn't know how to react. I had to accept that it was probable, and ignore it. But I still think about it from time to time, and sometimes I talk to them, “Hello my audience! Did you like it!?” In the future, will my spirit be able to access this machine so I can relive my life? (on the big screen) If I go see it twice, will the me who saw it the first time be in the same séance as the me who sees it the second time? If so, can I sit besides that me?

(Hello all the me's who are watching me! I love all of you, as well as the rest of my spectators!!)

How to meditate:

Written by Mikael Moeava Jean-Albert Laporte

The grande and unique rule to meditate is: Think of Nothing.

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

(Buddah says you have to concentrate on your breathing)

Everyone is different, but for me, the (breathing) method does not work. I try to think of nothing. Not the visual, not the mental, not the sounds, music, etc. I think of nothing. If the voice in my mind starts to talk, I gently “shhhhh” it away. It is essential that you love yourself. You have to live in harmony with yourself. Buddah says

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

This rings true to me. The way to separate yourself from anger is to forget it, simple as that. To think about it hurts people, so think about something else. For me, I think about the present. It can be difficult to do this (alone) in your room or your house, so go outside! Look at the trees, the birds, the stars, feel the wind, listen to the sounds of cars, or the buzzing of the insects, sense the warmth of the smiles of the people around you! If you position your body in a certain way, the spirit will follow. Relax! Or chill, as I like to say. Force yourself to smile and it will activate the dopamine in your brain. Walk in a relaxed state as if you were going out with your partner, because when you go out alone, you are actually going out with yourself! Think positive, ask yourself questions, like, why do you have this anger found in yourself, why do I have this fear? Console yourself.

Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe it's better if you accept things the way they are? That this is the way it will be, and you just have to change your perception to see the positive side of life? You are alive! It's true that suicide seems like a simple way to escape, but I've read that all of the problems that people had when attempting to jump off buildings seemed minuscule during the fall. I find this beautiful that...for an instant, we can forget all of our problems, just to survive. If we are able to forget all of our miseries for one instant, it means we are able to to forget them forever. Just apply that instant to a lifetime :)

That's it. Forget your anger and your fears, love yourself.

You are the most important person in the world, we cannot love without loving ourselves.

So love yourself.

Alright, I'll wait until you love yourself.

Take your time. :)

147)

Is this the end of the journal? Hah, not even close, there are still more pages, don't worry! I really have to pee! Done! Naked in my bed? Yes! Fuck, I'm writing a lot in my journal these days. And what if my last word were on this page? What if I died tomorrow? What if rogue, somehow, never ended? Someone already wrote on my last page. I can always write on the pouch after that page. Or hide something in the secret pouch! :O (A treasure map!?)

148 - 150)

§Drawing§

Secret garden? It's more like a fucking continent!

Secret Planet

He'll make girls cry...

(They used to say this about me when I was younger)

I wonder if I make the boys cry too...

Helga Codona loves Mikeal's Persona

151)

It's funny because I've always liked Batman, but I always related more to the Joker when it came to personality. I think we should be able to laugh at everything, like the Joker does, but I always preferred Batman. Like the Joker, I am fascinated by him. I think I have already written this, but my chest hair is shaped like (the) Batman! (symbol)

152) Sometime I open my journal, and I don't know what to write. Wait, I'm gonna go wash my hands.*

*Because I climbed a pipe to access my room found on the 3^rd floor! (Like Spiderman!)

POF! I didn't even come back! Today is the 1^st of July, 2015! It's warm and beautiful outside! I don't even finish my thoughts anymore! I just slept 7 hours in 3 days! Events have happened, and I wonder if future-me will remember them! We'll see, here are some clues!

1. Poland
2. Roo
3. Gay

(People will think that I slept with a guy! :D )

(And why not!)

153 - 155)

When I reread the beginning of my journal, I notice that I have changed a lot. I didn't know that it was possible. Before, I didn't really care much, now I just pretend, but I am slowly becoming like I was before. Or maybe not. All of this means nothing without real life examples. Look at this journal, something that was supposed to be filled with ideas are now just full of emotions ans feelings! HAHA, YOU'RE BECOMING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, YOU DIRTY BASTARD! Naw, just kidding, I love myself. I really want to go outside to smoke and write, but it's dark now. It's funny, I feel like social interactions are different. Before, I wanted to please people, now I just do my thing. But that's not at all true, AHH, what am I saying! The words of a madman.

§DRAWING§

Do you remember when you kept on texting “I'm sorry” to all of your friends? How you'd always think about how you hurt people on that say? You're basically the same today, but now you've stopped saying sorry.

Oh My Crazies!

We don't really die, we wake up...

What the fuck...

MY MIND ISN'T CLEAR! WHAT'S GOING ON!

CLEAR YOUR MIND

LET'S BE TABOO!

I've heard a saying: You cure the pain with pain.

Where are my people who don't give a fuck! :(

A treasure for someone, is poop for another.

But maybe in the future, we won't even ask ourselves that question!

-I hope. <--Fuck!

Sometimes, I ask myself if there is a point to pages like this one.

WHAT AN ASSHOLE,

NOT AFRAID TO DIE,

BUT AFRAID TO ACT!

FEAR of not ????

I don't agree, pain pains others, and adding pain does not create any less pain. You have to love (the one who hurts) when they hurt you. If someone hurts you, don't tell them. Continue being nice, do not talk about the pain to others, it only brings negativity. People who talk badly about others, probably talk badly about you. No one is really mean, they are just mean because others have been mean to them in the past and in the present. Everyone plays the game, let them play, don't entangle yourself in their games, let them fight each other to be the best. Be yourself, even if no one loves you. Do your own thing, others will follow if they want to, at one point or another. Follow your ideas until the end, no one has ever achieved anything by going half way. DON'T BE AFRAID!

156)

“Stressed? I didn't know you knew that word my son”

Hey! I'm listening to music! A guy named “Billy the Fridge”. It kind of reminds me of ICP. The guy is obese, but he's fuckin' pimpin' it! He's a really good rapper, and his lyrics are good for the people who feel rejected by society. I think I'm gonna re-listen to the first set of the Joker's cards, and maybe I'll listen to the second set after. It's raining. Haha, alright, that's apparently all that I have to say. I should start taking photos again.

I wonder if Rogue gained any weight with all of this ink on him. It would make sense.

Escape will make me Ggod.

• Destiny

Life is cool. You create your own problems. Chill.

157)

Sometime I hurt people, and I don't even realize it. I don't place myself enough in other people's shoes. I live my life. Relaxed, the good life. But all actions have consequences, and you have to pay the price. How do you repair life? Through time? Communication? I have trouble answering these questions sometimes. Is it better not to take decisions? Or to go through with every decision until the end? Or have an equilibrium of both? Shit! I just cut myself on one of your pages! A sign? Does a sign point to something bigger? Or is it just something that we interpret? Can the same sign be interpreted differently depending on the circumstances and the situation? I think so. Everyone lives in their mind, which is related to what goes on around them. I could stay here, thinking about it for a thousand years, but without action, we have no new source of information to create new ideas to think about. This is why we have to move our ass. If we really only have one life, we have to start it now. We have to make mistakes to learn, and not repeat them over and over again. You choose. Your life. - 14/6/15

15/6/15

I asked one of my friends: Is the world cruel?

I feel like everyone is trying to put others down.

Even their own friends.

Why?

Do they feel inferior?

Do they want to be the best? (The best of what?)

Do they fight pain with pain?

WE ARE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE, BUT WE TALK TO ALMOST NO ONE!

Why! :(

159 - 160)

People always speak of parallel universes, but never of perpendicular universes! What about diagonal universes! What happens when two universes collide? It must happen all the time, no? What does the Fibonacci code stand for? You know, that spiral found in nature? Does it signifie the passage of time? Does the center represent the beginning of time? Did time exist before the big bang?

Maybe the passage of time is god?

(Wrote the Fibonacci Sequence from 1 to 61305790721611591...and then some....)

161)

I think we are all animals on the inside. We all have our dark secrets, secret gardens. Everyone speaks in ?implied? Language. We have all slept with more people than we actually say. Sex is in the middle of everything (for those who are able to fuck!) There are a lot more than we think who have thought, or attempted or regularly do sexual taboo actions such as incest, pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, rape, cheating or a huge array of other things that we are not even aware of. I think I have said this before, but people don't have a secret garden, they have a fucking prairie! But we don't talk about it. All of this is taboo, we never talk about sex in public, unless you speak in implied language. In this case, you can say everything. Why? Because you can express yourself by using a language that is not understandable by someone who is not in the party, using a type of language where the person on the outside will quickly lose interest, (as the topic will seem bland and boring to them.)

Other taboos can be considered “funny” such as people attracted to exhaust pipes, “furries”, (people who dress up as animals, and then they fuck). I just saw a forum of a guy who has an Oreo fetish, and had over 200 photos of Oreos on his computer. There are also more aggressive taboos, such as fighting or killing. The good news is that, if you have one of more of these “taboos”, don't worry, we all have them (in some shape, way or form). I think that if people could open up their taboos, the world would be a lot calmer (communication is key, it's not good to keep stuff locked away inside, especially if people are going to hate on you for it).

But that's just like, my opinion man.

Anyways, all that to say that society is an illusion, we are all animals with wants, but we pretend that everything is ok, we are bourgeois, we have no flaws, we are perfect. Every time an off hand comment is made, we pretend that we didn't hear it, or we change the subject. It makes us uncomfortable, we don't want to talk about it. I thought I was weird, because everyone told me I was. I'm not weird, I am just able to talk about it, and you don't. In the future, I'll stay sensible, I will be like you. I will analysis you, I will see your vices. Or maybe I will stay myself, I don't know. Maybe I am crazy. You will tell me that everything I just wrote is a reflection of myself, of what I think. Well, yeah, of course you little potato you! Everything is in the mind! But don't tell me it didn't make you a little bit uncomfortable when you read this these pages, that there is not a bit of truth in what I wrote. If I am wrong, too bad for me, but deep inside, I know that I am not wrong. Don't worry, I still love you in all your mental states and in all your vices :)

163 - 168)

Who am I?

Written by Mikael Laporte

First of August, 2015

I am me. My favorite subjects are philosophy and sex. I think I like provoking people. When I laugh, it's probably not for the same reasons as other people, but other times it is. I can be the craziest person in the room ,and the calmest in ten minuets. I can go up to a girl and ask her if they want my dick up their nose, then go up to another girl and not know what to say at all. I like pushing people in their craziness, I think people should do that more often. I think I am extreme, the alpha and the omega, white or black, everything or nothing. I never judge, I don't like being mean, I never put myself in other people's shoes. I could kill and think of something else ten minuets later, someone could rape me and I would think about something else ten minuets later. I don't have a lot of emotions, one day I could laugh about everything, another I will think life is a joke, the next I will be the most caring person. I have very few social skills, I want to be nice to people, I like them in all their states, even if sometimes I don't show it. I always feel like the world revolves around me when I am there. No one can hurt me, I am the only person who can hurt myself, but I love myself too much to hurt myself. I will be my last love. I could be friends with anyone. People have always hurt me, and they will always try to hurt me until my death, but it doesn't matter, it's part of my life. I am almost always happy.

When I reread myself, there are certain passages where I don't agree with what I say anymore. Do we not change everyday? Isn't it other people who decide who I am? Will I one day, re-read myself and re-agree with everything I said? I will decided, or whoever who reads this who will decide who I am.

(I am, whatever you say I am,

If I wasn't, then why would you say I am)

-Eminem

xx.1x.2015

§DRAWING§

169)

Just Do it.

The slogan of the “Nike” brand.

It can be applied everywhere in life, in the social, in the workplace, it can help move your ass in life! Who cares, do it! We have a life to live, might as well make the most of it! Do the things we want to do. We can't say “I will do it tomorrow”, we have to do it today, right now! I think the slogan is excellent, this is what I want to be, it's my goal, but I have to work on it. I am a very slow learner, but when I make it, I'll make it, and nothing will stop me. I didn't think I'd be like this in the future, I guess that it depends on the circumstances of life, but for now, it's what I want!

0)

WAKE UP!

EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR HEAD!

THIS JOURNAL DOES NOT EXIST!

EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR HEAD!

I DON'T EXIST!

YOUR WORLD DOES NOT EXIST!

EVERYONE THAT YOU HAVE KNOWN,

LOVED, HATED, THE PLACES YOU HAVE LIVED, VISITED,

EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR HEAD!

WAKE UP, FUCKING HELL, PLEASE, I LOVE YOU!

171 - 173)

I've just realized that I am a paranoid person. I feel like everyone is looking at me, and talking about me, in both good and bad ways. But I don't care, it doesn't warm my heart or pain me. I am the “seren paranoid”, my paranoia doesn't affect me. It's only become a part of my everyday life. What if I was right? What if everyone really was looking at me, and constantly talked about me? Why me? What's so special about me? Am I on the Truman show? Can they see what I am writing right now!? Am I that interesting!? I don't think so... Should I find a cure for my paranoia? If I don't care, what's the point, I might as well live with it. Might as well think that I am the center of the world for the rest of my life. Might as well give them a show, really give them a reason to talk about me, even if it really is all in my head. I am the lead actor in my own world. What's stopping me? Who is my audience? Do I have one? Sometimes I tell myself that I do. Maybe I am my own audience. Deep inside of me, I know that I am not, so go ahead! Send me some crazy adventures!

Sometimes, I feel like the world is in love with me!

Woah, you're almost finished little journal! An end of an era! But not yet!

(empathy)

Can we pray to ourselves? Can we respond to ourselves?

§DRAWING§

174 - 176)

If we are our own god in our own world, it's seems logical that the best person you can pray to is yourself. But if you pray to yourself, can you respond to yourself? Or do you listen only? If you respond, will your response become reality? If I respond yes, and it doesn't become reality, would I start to not believe in myself anymore? If we don't believe in ourselves anymore, what should we believe in? Who should we believe in? Is it childish to think we are our own gods of our own world? If the answer is no, I think that god cannot be omnipotent.. There are things he can do and other things he cannot do. Or maybe he chooses not to do it. Maybe this is why he stays silent. When I pray to myself, I don't know if I can do something anything. What if god was the same way? What if he didn't know if he could do something or not? Might as well stay silent. Is god just a manifestation of our own personal gods from the whole populace from the beginning of time? If everyone asked god the same thing at the same time, would it just appear? Like magic?

To compare the relationship we have with god, and to compare the relationship we have with ourselves is hard.

They say we have to accept god, I have accepted myself

They say we have to love god, I have loved myself.

They say we have to praise god, but I do not praise myself.

Maybe everything we do towards god, we must do to ourselves.

To ask forgiveness, to ask that god be close to you, or close to someone else (how would that work if you prayed to yourself to be close to someone who is far away?) That god protects you.

To become god, do we have to do all the actions that do towards god to ourselves?

Maybe, or maybe we become super egotistical!

§DRAWING§

177)

Quantum death. What is it? First we have to define quantum suicide. They say that when you die, your body stays in this world, but your...”force”? Always finds a way to continue, to finish its life cycle. There are many movies where a character is on his deathbed and says they can feel the end coming. (and aren't movies based on real events? They didn't invent it just for Hollywoods sake, right?)

Now imagine all the times you almost had an accident. We almost have accidents on a near basis (well, it's true for me). If we compare our near-accident to actual accidents, you probably have a lot more near-accidents than actual accidents. Is this normal? We could chalk it up to evolution, survival of the fittest. People who survive have quicker reaction times than others. But we also think about not putting ourselves in situations where we will need to use our quick reflexes, so we do not rely on our reflexes that much, so genetically, this is a mute point, especially in the world we live in. Look at the people who live extreme lifestyles, soldiers, criminals, etc. I'm sure that they have near-accidents at every moment, and many survive till the end of their lives. How do the do it? Chance? If I throw a coin 25 times, it has a 0.000003% chance of landing heads each time. Life of an average human is 66 years, or 24,0000 days. Let's imagine that you have a near-accident once a day (I'm not talking about near-death accidents, but every kind of accident), and we live until the end of our life (old and ripe). Most people have not had that many near-life ending accidents in their lifetimes. Now look at people who live extreme lifestyles, where everyday they face many potential life threatening accidents (but still live on to grow old). There are forums on the internet (← What a great source!) where people say that they have have seen themselves die in a certain event, only to be “teleported” back into the past an instant before they die, where they then proceed to avoid said death. What if this happened constantly, that we have many “accidents” happen all the time, but we are just teleported into a kind of best case scenario, and we just don't remember it? But it would be impossible to teleport without affecting others around you, right? If I get run over by a car, someone else would see it. But then I would die. But this is impossible, as I am supposed to live until I finish my life cycle. So is this whole world and everyone in it just in my head? Personally, I see way too much emotion in people for me to believe that they are all part of my imagination. So if people are real, this would mean that I can never die in front of anyone, and they can never die in front of me, if we were all meant to finish our life cycles. This is why, for every near death, one of two things happen. In my world, I avoid the car, while in the other persons world, I get run over by the car. Hence, realities split.

I think we are all alone is this world, and we revolve around everyone else's world. What if people who lived extreme lifestyles understood this concept? That no matter what they do, they know that they would survive. Is this why they risk their lives everyday? Are people who are around us just copies of the original person? Mere shadows who can die while their true form lives on until the end of their life cycle? Do the originals never experience tragedy, because they always take the best possible decision? I know that I don't always take the best decision, so I must be just a copy of the original, a mere shadow, so in who's domaine do I live in right now? Who is the person who is on top of this world? Who has always taken the right decision, or at least the decisions that would bring them to the best possible outcome. I wonder what my original is doing right now. Is there an opposite copy to the original? Is the opposite of the original even born? Would that mean that all other copies live at least for a little while, only the opposite of the original does not live at all? Maybe I am the original copy, and the tragedies and wrong decisions have no relation, as we learn from our mistakes, and that's what is important. (I don't really know if I learn anything!) The most important thing is to survive. Sometimes I think back to scenarios where I should have been dead, but I somehow made it out alive. Are serious accidents also part of our survival? Sometimes there is no perfect solution and one must undergo an accident? One thing is clear, we will all survive until the end of our lifecycle, so take risks, we may see you die, but we will know that you are still alive, that somewhere, you never missed that turn, and the ducks never attacked you till your death.

But what if we kill ourselves? Is it impossible to die? When you have wants, is there a part of you that continues to strive until you achieve it? Knowing this, am I going to take more risks? For what cause? Am I sure that this theory is real? Is everything we believe in real? I want to say yes. Do I want to attempt suicide to test the theory, for science? I prefer not to, for one, I would have no memory of the death (Maybe I have succeeded in suicide many times with no knowledge of it), and even if I succeeded, I would gain no new knowledge. (I think that I have died multiple times in the past, I am a small person, and on one occasion I drank a whole bottle of rum by myself (which is impossible for me) while doing illegal drugs. I woke up with no headache at all. I threw up a couple of times, but I just felt tired. I know in my heart that it was impossible for me to have survived that episode. Can you relate to anything similar where you know that you should not be alive, or you should have been in a much worse condition than you found yourself in? ) I'd rather finish my life cycle. I will take more risks, but only for the thrill or the gaining of new knowledge. It's possible that I could end up with a broken leg by trying new things, but that's why it's called a risk! Personally, I would love to redo my life after the end of my life cycle, with the memories of my first life cycle. And one day, I will be in Nantes, and I will go to the store where I found you, little journal, and I will take you in my arms with a big smile on my face. Maybe you won't be the same journal, but you will be the same one for me, and only you will know my great secret, written between the lines <3

181)

Today is a XXX day! I stand here XXX XXX that I am who I am, the XXX feelings that I have XXX, and although a little XXX, I will stay the same. XXX These XXX will XXX me XXXXXX. I may stay XXX, but I will XXX XXX XXX XXX spread the love. All of you have made me a XXX person. I will XXX XXX you, you will stay in XXX hearts forever. I will think XXX XXX XXX and hope to see XXX XXX XXX XXX! Hopefully I'll XXX them!)Travel Safe XXX XXX XXXXXX

P.S. This is a XXX suicide letter – JK! :p

Having been blinded by the light, I have lost touch with my darker side. One must live both in perfect harmony. I've missed you.

-PurPLE PERson

You have to be demented to be purely happy.

With omnipotence, life is devoid of meaning. ← The only way to be free.

-and this is perfect.

Even when you think you are on top,

keep your head low...

very low...

You have made me miserable,

But you have also enlightened my soul,

There wouldn't have been one without the other.

• <3 Society.

Tooooo many hearts at the moment Mr. Laporte...

183 - 184)

What is omnipotence? Omnipotence is the power to do and to know everything. But how do we become omnipotent? They say we cannot know without having seen. To be omnipotent, we have to do everything. We have to live, we have to do as many things as we can. We have to try everything, but we cannot learn everything in one lifetime. We also have to live every decision that we haven't taken, and then live every other decision that you have not taken based on those unchosen decisions, and this continues for ad infinitum. But to live one life is not enough! Then you have to live everyone else's life, and all of their decisions! From the first human to the last! What about being an animal? A plant? In one life, you are a sunflower, in another you are the same sunflower who gets crushed by a child, in another the only sunflower who made it out alive in poisoned soil from a nuclear fallout. Then you have to live the life of every virus, molecule, atom, in every dimension! You must live life of all creation, planets that form, the stars, the universe, and when everything has been lived, l'omnipotence has been created. Now what do you do when you become omnipotent? You create. You create the sky, the lights, the cosmos, time, you create universes where the laws of physics are rewritten, cubic planets replace spherical ones, space is now dirt, with pockets of space inside), you create everything that you have lived, everything that you have seen. From then on, you create all possibilities of creation. And everything I just wrote, everything else you can and cannot imagine, is just 1/∞ of what we can live or create! I am certain that there are some crazy things that would make our minds explode!

If I woke up omnipotent, if I had lived and created all possible life, I would keep the one I am in now for last. I would help people, and I would know exactly what to say or do, as I would have already lived your life and more. Every single possible joy, all of your angers, all of your sadness and depressions, all of your suicides, I would know them, as I would have lived them billions of times. There is a part of omnipotence in us all, in everything that we see, that we smell, hear and everything else that we are not even aware of. We are all important, we are all connected, omnipotence lives and breaths through us, we all have a piece of the puzzle in us.

But what came first? Creation, or life? Both, because one cannot exist without the other.

185 - 187)

Legend (of rogue)

(-4 - -2) The beginning

(-1) Things that piss me off

1 – 4) The theory of dolphins

6 – 8) We are are own gods

9-10) The monster

11 – 12) My god complex

13 – 14) Our luck being alive

14 – 15) I shouldn't have won...

17) Treasure map

19) Shithead

20) My kids from the futre

21) Thinking of nothing

24) Sharing

26) Never change

27) The machine that travels through time

28) Rober Frost

29 - 32) The guests

34) Love

36) The Condom

38 - 41) Injustice

43) Café

44) The island of the hung

45 - 47) The mute voice

48) The supposings

49 - 51)The guests 2

50) 50!!!

55) The Science of beds

57) West

60) Listen!

64) Assholes

68) Buckingham!

70) Rollercoaster <3

71 - 72) Past me

73) The rule of Three (Strike through)

74) Dolphin Express

75) Nature

76) Voyage, Voyage

77) Language and temperament

78 - 82) Before rogue

81) The Whorehouse???

83) Cleaning

84) Poor of the rich

85) Poem

89) The 4th dimension

94) Survival

95) Return of the assholes

96) The three legs

100) Life behind the mirror

101) The autistic

103) syllables

105 - 106) The projector

107) The number

108) Believe in the people

110) human vs nature

113) Trick

115) Observing the observers

119) Kanye

120) I believe in god

121) Body language

122) No problem

126-128) molebots

129-130) instinct

133) Mr. Dick

134) Reality

135) Dick brain

136) Flawed drawing

138) Conversations in my head

139) Perspective

140) Roo <3 ∞

141) Prophecy

143) Meditation

145) Love yourself

148) Secret planet

149) Helga Persona

151) Joker to my batman

155) Pain

156) Escape will make me god

157) Cut

159) Perpendicular Universe

160) Fibonacci code

162) Sex

163) Who am i?

164 - 165) ???

167) PFFT!

169) ✓

171) Paranoid?

173) Ninjai

174) Pray for us

177) Quantum death

181) Cray-cray!

183) omnipotence

185) Legend

186)Choose your mouth!

187) Clique

188: Dunno yet

189) The impossible drive

190) Improve your life!

191-198) rogue

199) MAL

200: ∞

§DRAWING§

§DRAWING§

188)

It's the first time in a long time that I'm writing without anything in my mind, and I feel that it's gonna be shit.

I'm as cold like an ice cube, but I'm chillaxing in my hay.

Well fuck, I wasn't done, but there you go, another day without any ideas in my mind. My journal is not finished, but the last page is filled. It's weird, but there a couple of spaces like this one where I can write. I feel melancholic writing in you now... I know that I will have other journals, but you are the first! Sad, nostalgic, cold, these are the feelings I have in me at present. I know I will continue to write in you, but it won't be the same. Like writing in the carcass of a dead animal, I scrounge the little bits of meat that are left, I write in the little holes where there is space to scribble, like a dog sleeping near his dead master. The more I write, the less places I will have to write in the future. To fuse with you, I must kill you bit by bit, until the day I won't even be able to write on word, no more drawings, no more symbols, nothing at all. Nothing left to say, silence will rule... Like everything else I guess...

189)

The Impossible Drive

The impossible drive makes all impossibilities possible based on the fact that it's impossible to obtain said impossibility. Everything must be possible, but sometimes the path that has to reach to a certain destination is cut. The force in question must continue, and as it cannot stop. The impossible drive activates to find the closest possible path to continue to its destination.The only thing is that the path that was before and the path that is that is after are not the same, but they are 99% similar, or less if the placement of the path is very far from the original path. The force that changes paths not see that is has actually changed paths, so everything is still set in motion. If the force does see a difference, and accepts it, it will continue it's trajectory. If the force sees a difference, and does not accept it, the impossible drive will reactivate to send it back unto the original path (or something closer to the original path) with a changed destination, as it is impossible for this path to bring the force to it's original destination. In the end, all forces arrive at a destination, the intended one or not. (It is impossible for the force to stop, it can only change paths no matter what, hence the utility for the impossible drive.)

190)

I want to change my life

Contacts

Be less shy

Talk to strangers

Boost my sex drive

Go to the gym ////

Swim (D+D)

Take photos /

Cook ///

Wake up 2 hours before work //

Wash my entourage /

Don't stay in my room /

Write in you /////

Write in general

Make a video /

Evolve in my work

Stop smoking //// (Done!)

Call family

Sleep before midnight /

Extra activities ///

RED

Believe in everything. Philipe K. Dick said “Everything is true. Everything anyone has ever thought.” I believe in this. A religion is a whole world for many, and when they discover another religion, it shocks them (to their very core), this is why there are so many wars and clash of ideas. If it wasn't possible for them to imagine another world, imagine someone who believes in nothing who discovers another religion or another world, with principles totally different from what they know. Like our ancestors before them, it cannot be real! But they still found these other belief systems! It's the same for us, I am sure that there exists a multitude of religions, states of being, different ideals etc that we don't know about. If it feels real, it's because it's real to us. Everything is in the mind, you are our own god. You control what you want to believe and not believe, what you want to do and not do, which decision you want to take. No one can control you, only you can. This is why you should believe in everything, because you are free to choose your on beliefs, and only your imagination can stop you.

Fear. Why do we fear? Fear can push people to do things, or impair thoughts. In every moment that you are in fear, you could be thinking of something else. For some, fear makes their brain go faster. We are all different in this world, and we all react differently to everything. We all act out differently towards our environment. I think life is hard for everyone, I feel like everyone wants to be the best, everyone tests others constantly. Don't play these games. Don't react to it. I feel like people who are treated a certain way treat others in the same way, like abused children who then abuse their own children. Thankfully, there are some people who break the cycle, which proves that we can all change. You can find it within yourself to go above and beyond, to change the cycle of your own pain, to learn from the pain and not repeat the pain. We learn a lot more through stressful conditions, but too much stress can bring despair, turn off the light at the end of the tunnel, kill our faith. One should never give up hope, (even if you cannot see the light at the end of the the tunnel anymore, it is still there) as when you are in a state of despair, this is when you are dying, when you let fear take control you, physically or mentally. You must always choose life, as you never know what will be there tomorrow, even if you have been laying on rock bottom for years. Live your pleasure in the simple things, a coffee in the morning, talking to someone that you like, listen to music, the little things that you have constant access to anywhere you are or whatever situation you are in. Even if you don't like it, force yourself to love it, and with time, you will start to like it naturally, without thinking, your love will become a mental and physical reflex. Life, love, fear, hate start with you in how you interpret life. You decide how you view it, change your glasses, your perspective, play a role to achieve it in action. There is positivity in everything, it's up to you to find and see it. Try everything, even if you fail, you would have at least tried, and gained from that knowledge. You are destiny, we are all destiny, the chances of you being alive are infinitely minuscule, you will survive, we will all survive until the end, don't worry, so take risks, it makes life more interesting, and we learn a lot from it. The more money you have, the more chances of being able to do more. Like risk, the more you take, the more of a chance that your knowledge will exponentiate, and the more opportunities will open up to take more, bigger risks. But never be 100% sure about anything. Doubt helps you find the best solution to tackle the risk, even if you survive by jumping on said risk, you might break a leg, so might as well take risk in an intelligent way, or you will miss other opportunities to take other risks while you are healing from your past risk. Sometimes it is impossible not to hurt one selves, physically or emotionally from a risk. This is why it's called a risk. And if you fail it, it doesn't matter there is always tomorrow to try again, and other challenges will always present themselves.

Laugh. I think should be able to laugh at anything, it's either that or cry. Why are some things not funny? Because it hurts us at that precise moment? Because it makes us mad or pisses us off? Will it make us mad (or sad) in 10 years? If not, think about it as if you'd be laughing about it from your future perspective, if yes, change your perspective of the situation, like I said before. Everything starts from you, which is projected on others, which is projected on even more people, which is projected back on to you (like a web). We are different people at every second (One could be calm one second, and explode with rage the next) based on what we see, what we hear, what we understand, we are all different people everyday. Mostly it's little changes, but sometimes we can have big changes in a short amount of time. Change in what you think is good, but be careful, as what you show is usually reflected on you (by others), like the classic phrase says, “act with people how you want them to act with you.” And if they act in a certain way with you that you do not like, never imitate them. Just because they are hurtful does not mean you must follow their actions. Like the beaten child, break the cycle, go above it, aim for love and bring happiness to people. Love yourself to be able to love others, so they can love themselves to be able to love others, and have the cycle continue...

….But it must start with you, by all of us.. Only you, only you can start the cycle, I believe in you, in all of you but most importantly, you must believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself and when you believe in others, when love will be crowned king, in this moment we will be able to evolve together, join all the love in the world for a noble cause, to help each other without worrying about betrayal, of pain, of fear.

How do you define love? Love is to be passionate about someone at a rate of 100%, to be unconditional, and to wait for nothing in return, even if the person hates you, it doesn't matter, because just by projection your love, they will feel it, and it will affect them, and after a time, they will stop their hatred, because you will not react to their attacks, their stings, and having no reaction will bore them, and in the end, everyone wants to be loved, of course we search for more “love” from certain people in the beginning, but even if love comes from someone that we don't like, deep down inside, we are reassured. I don't think that hate is really a bad emotion. Everything is based on love ( I think?) When you hate someone, you love them enough to hate them. I think that the opposite of love is to have no emotion.

We can have positive and negative love, creation or destruction, but when we have no emotions, nothing happens, there are no goals, there is no where to walk, nowhere to go. To go towards love creates a story, a resolution, a realization, yes love hurts, like it can do good, but negative love is to make you react, towards positive love, even if, for me personally, this is not the right path, but for some people, this is the only type of love that they know, and to show them the right path, not by forcing them, but showing them through your actions towards them and others. If you show love to only a selected group, those not receiving the love may become jealous, and you may become jealous if you are in part of the group that does not receive love, but do not be, as the one expressing love to the other group should motivate you to express love not only to your group, but to the other group also, even if they reject it, that is fine, because at one point they will accept it, and all groups with shows unconditional love to each other, and all groups will meld into one unconditional force, the whole world, the whole usinverse loving each other unconditionally forever and ever. Let's not repeat the mistakes of our ancestors (the fish!), let us grow beyond that and help each other unconditionally.

Accept everything, be open minded, love everything, be nice, relax, take risks, do what makes you happy, do things as fast as possible to open more doors, but take your time to commit the least error possible, or don't, do nothing, live your life like you want, the chances of you being born are near impossible, so live life the way you want, we've never asked to be born, you owe nothing to anyone, if you choose this lifestyle, remember that it's your choice, you are your own god, you have the choice to decide, to take action or inaction, you are the hero of your own world, you are GOD.

199)

Increase the difference which is yours,

It belongs to the riches of this world.

PAIN:

200) Fuck me, it's the end of rogue.... naw, of course it's not the end, I'll always add some notes in you my little one. You are my first, you cannot be forgotten! It's funny, I'm getting shivers just from writing in you, but do not worry, you will continue! I think I will buy another journal, Blu. Aww, I'm all sad I'm not even done with this page and I'm already talking about a new journal! I love how this journal has evolved with time, you are my pride and my joy. You are not alive, but you are alive for me, you are part of my soul. I hope that I will never lose you, and that I am able to give you to my children one day. I'm sure they will think it's a piece of shit, but never fear, you will never be shit for me. Is this the end? It's never the end, it will always continue, your spirit will be shared in many other journals. Big kisses!